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The Time of Legends Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "horseflesh" journal:

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June 20th, 2004
09:58 pm

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The Tammy Faye Baker possession
My daughter came into my computer room today with a curious design on her face. I see that she's got pink on her eyelids all the way up to 1/2 inch above her eyebrow. Okay, I thought, she's got her play makeup and she's putting it on while falling down the stairs or something. Note to self: find a female that can explain that less is better. In fact, none at all until she's older would be fine with me.

Then I notice her lips. Blue (BRIGHT blue), with blue smears of it up to her nose and cheeks. Odd, I don't remember any blue lipstick in her Christmas present. I inquire as to the source of her lipstick, to which she responds, "Blue raspberry Baby Bottle Pop, ya silly dad." Of course! The one left over from last week's KC Dopefest. How could I have forgotten that she'd squirreled it away in her room and just now found it again? Silly Daddy.

It was a lazy Fathers Day today. My wife had to work today so it was just me and the kids. We watched Harry Pothead and the Prisoner of Azk...Ashka...Ashtray (I think). I mowed our lawn while my kids taunted me with fun stuff like kicking the soccer ball around and riding their bikes. We just got back from the park I'd promised them I'd take them to. We played Big Bad Daddy The Tickle Pirate, which mostly consists of me chasing them and tickling to the point of peeing their pants any child who comes within my grasp. We stayed late enough that the fireflies came out so we chased them for a while, then I sat back and watched the ponies chase some more. Heh, they're all tuckered out now, and I can have some peace and quiet.

Who's the silly dad now?

Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Enya - "Carribean Blue"

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June 15th, 2004
04:11 am

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Gotta be a suitable userpic in here somewhere...
Just ran across this site a few days ago: http://www.humandescent.com

Damn, but DAMN, some of these pictures just give me the willies. Very cool Photoshopped human/animal hybrids.

Check out the gallery if you dare.

And to whet your appetites (and stretch my n00b image linking skillz):

Here's PenguiCat and Dogilla!

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June 14th, 2004
03:11 pm

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The KC Dopefest aftermath
Yep, it's over and what a time it was. Big raspberries go out to those of you that missed it.

I enjoyed meeting those that have gone before, like SkipMagic, auntie em, sperfur, Erika, Mirror Image egamI rorriM, and Baker, as well as new folks, such as Dragon, LadyDragon, HeyYou, Whammo, MamaHen and her friend "Tagalong", beanshadow, and Fierra. All of you rock, and shoulda come to The Levee with us Saturday night! Rain doesn't do anything but get you wet.

And now my KIDS are looking forward to the next Dopefest, especially so my daughter can see her new boyfriend "Clay", aka skipmagic. You make quite an impression on 5-year-olds, don't you tiger? I wonder how the next group of people at the picnic shelter liked our body outlines on the concrete with disturbing messages written on them? Next time we need to bring crime scene tape.

In other news, I delivered the dishawasher that sperfur bought from my friend chcoco (who, last week, purchased sperf's car). I'm sad to report that sperfur's house is STILL not dishwasher enabled. Next time I'm up there I'll get it done, promise.

What else? Oh, I finally got my state gaming license (after a couple of nail-biting weeks waiting for the KBI to finish their background investigation) so I can continue to be employed at the casino. Our new guy that I picked out from the job interviews is scheduled to come to work next week (and gets me closer to working normal hours so I don't have to rely on my sister for babysitting). I never got to the Ameristar casino to get the Doobie Brothers tickets so I have that yet to do.

There's more, I just need time to sort it all out in my head.

Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Pink Floyd - "Comfortably Numb"

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June 11th, 2004
11:37 pm

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Suspicion confirmed...
horseflesh's LJ stalker is skipmagic!
skipmagic is stalking you because they have nothing better to do with their time. They are also stalking you in real life. Look out!




And I'm supposed to meet this guy on Saturday at the KC Dopefest. *shudder

If you don't hear from me again, search the Shawnee Mission Park for fresh dirt mounds....

Current Mood: nervousnervous
Current Music: Rockwell - "I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me"

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June 8th, 2004
06:09 pm

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Hey, Mr. Taliban!
...Tally me illations, Dogma come and me wan' go hoooome. Staaaay-home!!

I had a rousing arguement with a coworker of mine about appropriate attire for married women today. The result of our continued disagreement on the subject earns him the title in the Subject line up there. Harry Belafonte would be proud.

A woman that works at our company was wearing what he thought was too "sexy" attire for a loyal married woman. She was wearing a tight shirt that showed off her breasts. In his opinion that means that she's out to find male company other than her husband. His "50 years of experience" is what backs up this claim.

What it really amounted to was that he couldn't take his eyes of her breasts whenever she walked by, so the problem is hers, not his. My response to him was that if her dress was within company guidelines he's got nothing to bitch about. It's her clothes and her body, if she wants to show it off, more power to her. If he can't handle it, his only recourse is to look the other way.

I could NOT make him see my reasoning on this. Apparently his point of view is that once you are married you should dress down when not in the company of your spouse, and that it's okay to let yourself go to pot because the need to be attractive is over. I drug this out of him when I asked how a man would achieve the same affect she was having on him. His response was "Oh, a guy would get a haircut, wear cologne, get in shape, wear nice clothes....". Ah! By this reasoning, the military is trying to get all of it's soldiers laid by making them keep their hair short and stay in shape.

I just shake my head at this kind of outdated thinking. And it surprises me coming from a guy that was a free-lovin', drug-using, rocker dude from the 60s. His Victorian-Christian outlook is really annoying. He even agrees in principle with some of Fred Phelps' doctrine on homosexuality. Grrrrrr. Don't even make me go there.

Click here to read other crap that annoys meCollapse )

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Harry Belafonte - "Day-O"

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June 7th, 2004
07:53 pm

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Sorry little girl, you can't join the Bikini Car Wash Team right now... and R.I.P. Stuart
Yesterday I remembered right as I was headed out to pick up my son at Colette's house that the local sports bar I frequent was having a car wash fundraiser. I had my 5-year-old daughter with me and figured we'd pick up some McNuggets and fries at Micky D's and watch the bar waitresses scrub down my van in their bikinis. My daughter got such a kick out of watching them wash the van and squirt the hose at each other (and seeing a little girl her age, one of their daughters I think, in her swimsuit and having a ball) that she wanted to go get her bathing suit and help them wash vehicles. The bar manager said she'd hire my daughter when she turned 18 if she wanted to work there, but Kala wasn't buying it. She's going to be a professional girlfriend I think.

Today my wife informs me that she and Kala finished their 'secret mission' and showed me proofs from JC Penney's of the photos she just had taken. I'll post pics of them when I can, they really turned out great with her new spring-y purple dress.

Last item to bring up is the sad demise of Stuart, the mythical mouse brother of my son. About a 2 years ago when Stuart Little hype was hitting the Horsehold, Nathan said he had an inivisible mouse brother named Stuart. He and Stuart had many good times, got into trouble a lot (always Stuart's fault, and how do you punish an invisible mouse anyways?), but eventually Stuart ran away. My wife found a dead mouse in the garage, presumably laid before us by the mighty hunter that is my cat Pepsi. I laid Stuart to rest in an empty McD's chicken nugget box and closed it up. No mouse could be more diginified than to be entombed in a McGrave.

Current Mood: lethargiclethargic
Current Music: The Cramps - "Bikini Girls With Machine Guns"

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June 6th, 2004
07:53 pm

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How much for that McAss in the McWindow?
While we were at the car wash in sperfur's town looking for the car mats she'd misplaced, we spied a McDonald's and decided to get my heathens something to put in their mouths. Food generally quiets them down. So we drive past the drive up window to circle around the building to the order kiosk, when I notice a girl sitting in the window facing into the fast food joint, her ass hanging outside.

I thought to myself, "Hmmm, haven't had one of those in a while. Wonder how much they cost?" sperfur dared me to ask when we pulled up to the window, and me being the shameless beast that I am said, "No problem". We made our order and pulled up to the window. These two young women must've been sharing a brain between them because they COULD NOT get the drink orders right. One would have the brain and hand out a drink, then go slack-jawed and limp while the other one used the brain to retrieve the next drink from the dispenser, then SHE would slump against the cash register while we received yet another incorrect drink order from the first McBorg.

After trying every form of English I knew (l33t speak, IM acronyms, jive, ebonics, Southern drawl, Cajun pigeon-French, Fargo, and New Yawk-ese), I decided that if I asked for a McAss that it would only draw blank stares and more drool. We took the least offensive drinks the kids would imbibe and drove away before they sucked us into their hive mind.

My friend's roommate purchased the car from dear sperfur and other than it dying twice when we first took it for a spin, it had no problems on the 3 hour drive back to Topeka. It even has a CD player with a removeable face plate!

It's missing floor mats, though.

Current Mood: scruffy?
Current Music: Sir Mix-a-lot - "Baby Got Back"

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June 4th, 2004
09:51 pm

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I was thiiiiiiiis close...
I was in our soft count room today (where they count/sort the paper money for you non-casino types) working on their computer. Not five feet from me was over a million dollars bundled and stacked on a clear plexiglass table. I glanced over at it several times, thinking how I'd love to rip off all my clothes and take a money bath in 20, 50, and 100 dollar bills.

Of course, after the bath is over the second best part of the fantasy is extracting the money from various body cracks and crevices. Reminds me of my days as a stripper...

Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: "We're In The Money"

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07:19 pm

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Minor setback to success (geek-style)
Fiddlesticks. The memory we bought to fix Colette's computer isn't compatible with it. We took the whole PC to the computer store to see if they had any memory that would work in it. As soon as the tech guy saw that it was an HP Pavilion he informed us that HP fiddles with the voltage and only certain brands of memory would work in it. He suggested Crucial.com as a place to start. So off we go to order memory online now.

I sold the toddler bed, two Power Wheels monster trucks and the kids' highchair at her garage sale and made $40! Then I blew $20 on a 15-speed bike that she was selling because my wife's been wanting one and I didn't want to spend a fortune on it.

Tomorrow we head to MO to look at buying a used car. We'll have 3 mini-heathens total so I hope my TV/VCR in the van is working okay. I plan on banishing them to sperfur's backyard while we talk business. Gotta remember to bring yard toys for them to play with like frisbees, soccer ball, lawn darts and a rabid rabbit.

Only 9 days to the KC Dopefest! Boom, baby! Who do ya love? This should be a fun one as lj loser="skipmagic" and I have challenged each other to a shrimp-off, the loser having to give up their life as a human and live a year in the ocean as a crustacean. A day at the Nelson before that, then a pic-a-nic and hiking the next day. My ponies will be worn out, but at least they'll go to bed when they're told.

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Nina Simone - "Feeling Good"

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June 3rd, 2004
07:51 pm

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Have you ever...
...walked down the hall at work with that extra-wiggle-and-slightly-quickened-pace-not-because-you're-trying-to-be-sexy-but-because-you're-clenching-your-buttcheeks-together-and-trying-not-to-think-that-the-bathroom-is-still-another-30-feet-away-and-OMG-there's-your-boss-whatthehelldoeshewantnow kinda walk?

Um, me neither.

Now tell me what you think of me:

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have (or have you ever had) a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Frankie Goes to Hollywood - "Relax"

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